Monday, October 12, 2009

37: Bad Sex

Leviticus 16-18
Leviticus 16 details what you should do on the day of atonement. Of course, more random sacrifice of animals. Aaron must take two goats, and kill one as usual. However, to other goat, Aaron will lay his hands on it's head and confess all of the sins of the Israelites. Then it (the "scapegoat") will set it free to die in the desert.

The bible makes sure to reiterate that eating blood is bad. This is because "the life of a creature is in the blood". Really? That's where the life is? Now we know I guess.

Leviticus 18 is titled "Unlawful Sexual Relations". How entertaining. God first says you can't have sexual relations with a close relative, and ends that command by saying "I am the Lord". I thought we'd already established who was speaking. The section goes on to list about every type of incest imaginable and says they are bad. Near the end it lists "do not have sexual relations with both a woman and her daughter". Damn you The Graduate! Such wickedness.

Do not approach a woman who is on her period to have sex. How are you supposed to know so you don't "approach"? I think you have to approach her to find out if she's on her period.

Don't have sex with your neighbors wife. I suppose anyone else's wife is fine.

Don't give your children to be sacrificed to Molech. Why is this in the unlawful sexual relations section? Did God forget what he was talking about for a sentence?

This is also the section where it says gay sex is detestable and sex with animals is a perversion. These are apparently just as bad as having sex with a woman on her period, having sex with your neighbors wife, and watching The Graduate. So why isn't anyone on the picket lines to prevent adulterers from getting married? The bible thinks both sins are just as bad. And let us remember that adultery is mentioned in the 10 commandments, but none of these other sexual "perversions" are. So which is worse?

4 comments:

  1. The Irony.... most of the main characters mentioned in the bible so far (From Noah to Moses) have been born from or have committed incest....

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  2. Nice work, but "dessert" is when you eat something sweet at the end of a dinner, the sandy place is "desert"...

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  3. Yay typo... It's fixed. Thanks!

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  4. The second goat is set loose in the wilderness for Azazel, which has been removed from most bible translations for fear of the idea of polytheism.Look it up.

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