Tuesday, October 20, 2009

45: Offerings Offerings Offerings ...

Numbers 7
Wow, this post may set the record for most uninteresting post so far. As you can see, the wise people who divided the bible into 365 sections have only given me one chapter today, and all it is about is dedicating the tabernacle. The bible seems to bring all these things up again and again for no reason.

This is a hugely long chapter but all it does is list the 12 offerings (on 12 different days) of the 12 representatives of the tribes of Israel at the tabernacle. I will list the offerings by days.

Day 1 - Tribe of Judah
One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Day 2 - Tribe of Issachar
One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs. Hmm, it's almost like I just copy and pasted that... Oh wait... I did. They're exactly the same.

Day 3 - Tribe of Zebulun
One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs. Hmm, it's almost like I just copy and pasted that... Oh wait... I did. Oh no! I'm doing it too, I'm pointlessly repeating myself with different headings.

Day 4 - Tribe of Reuben
Why do I feel like I should be singing this to the 12 days of Christmas? "One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs." (and a partridge in a pear tree?)

Day 5 - Tribe of Simeon
I'm feeling seriously sorry for whatever scribe had to repeat this text 12 times, I'm hating it right now and all I have to do is copy and paste. One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Day 6 - Tribe of Gad
Oh no, I'm running out of witty things to say, and I'm only half way through. I could just say "all of these sections are exactly the same". But then my post would be two lines long. One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Day 7 - Tribe of Ephraim
Did God not have some kind of gift registry? He's going to want to return about 11/12 of his presents. One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Day 8 - Tribe of Manesseh
This is going to be a ridiculous number of animals slaughtered at the end of this chapter. One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Day 9 - Tribe of Benjamin
I think the bible is taunting me. Or maybe I'm going completely insane after having read the same paragraph 9 times. One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Day 10 - Tribe of Dan
I wonder what the tribe of Dan is going to offer... Oh, that's right... One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Day 11 - Tribe of Asher
Oh my God! Something different!... Ha... Got you... One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Day 12 - Tribe of Naphtali
Woo hoo! The final day! One silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs.

Now why couldn't the bible have just said "All of the tribes brought one silver plate, one silver bowl, one gold dish, one young bull, one ram, one male lamb, one male goat, two oxen, five rams, five (more) male goats, and five (more) lambs." Wouldn't that have been so much easier?

4 comments:

  1. The worst part is that once a year, Jews who go to synagogue have to hear all 12 paragraphs chanted with excruciating slowness as part of the weekly Torah portion.

    ReplyDelete
  2. In Leviticus there was even a mention of turtledoves. I don't remember how many, though.

    ReplyDelete
  3. love your work, this has to be the best athiest website I've come across, I'm reading each article from the start, great stuff

    ReplyDelete

 

Copyright © 2009, Page Info, Contact Me