Thursday, October 22, 2009

47: You Want Meat? Are You Sure?

Numbers 11-13
Finally! Something mildly interesting. God is back to his childish ways.

The Israelites complain about their hardships (the bible doesn't say what hardships). So, of course, God does the logical thing and starts killing people (burning them to be exact). The people then run to Moses screaming. Moses prays and the fire dies down. It's a good thing Moses is there.

The Israelites, never learning their lesson, start complaining that they only have manna to eat. Moses hears the people complaining and goes to the tent of meeting to talk with God, who is apparently pouting in the tent because nobody likes him. Moses finally tells God that he's being a jerk, and says that if God is going to continue to treat him this way that God should kill him now.

God decides to be a total douche about the whole situation (there's no other way to describe it) and says if they want meat then they will have to eat meat for an entire month. They are to eat meat until it comes out of their nostrils, and they hate it because they've eaten it so much. So someone asks for something, and instead of giving it to them nicely he says "fine, have so much meat that you hate it". How hard is it going to be for God to give them meat? He is all powerful after all.

God drives quail into the camp and the people start eating it. God doesn't like this and strikes all who are eating meat with a "severe plague" that presumably kills them (they bury their bodies).

Aaron and Miriam begin questioning Moses' leadership. God is pissed (of course) and gives Miriam leprosy. Moses tells God to take her leprosy away (why do humans always have to tell God to be a nice person?). God replies "If her father had spit in her face, would she not have been in disgrace for seven days?" and uses this fact to say that she should stay outside of the camp for seven days. What? So if your father spits in your face you're the one at fault?

Moses sends several men ahead to explore the land of Canaan. They come back with a report that the land is indeed flowing with milk and honey (are we translating this passage literally?) but it is also swarming with the enemies of Israel. But wait. I thought God was going to send an angel ahead to clear the path for them. I remember God saying this several times. The first place I can find it is here. I know I've mentioned it in several other posts. God clearly doesn't do what he says he's going to do. Unless, of course, he says he's going to kill you.

6 comments:

  1. This entry reminds me of this parental quote: "You want something to cry about? I'll give you something to cry about!"

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  2. I couldn't agree more. So God is all powerful, and all intelligent, but not even as good as a bad parent. Really not nearly as good, because parents get sent to jail for killing their innocent children.

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  3. Well, the guy from the old testament sure was a lot of fun. No wonder the jews always look like they swallowed sour grapes.

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  4. By the way, I admire your dedication to read through all of it. I tried several times to read the bible and found myself skipping a lot of it saying: "bladibli bladibla yekkerdeyekker de yek" (fill in your own translation).

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  5. Well, he doesn't always kill you when he says he's going to either - remember Cain?

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  6. So much for ask and you shall receive. (I know, that's the NT.)

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