Wednesday, November 4, 2009

60: Write it on my Forehead?

Deuteronomy 5-7
We're back to the Ten Commandments. All of Deuteronomy 5 is just a retelling of that story. If you want to hear the story read my other Ten Commandments post, I really don't want to type it again.

Deuteronomy 6 gives a few more commands. These commands must be important because we are told to talk about them day and night, tell them to our children, tie them to our hands, put them on our foreheads, and write them on our doors (I'm not making this up). What are these commands you ask? Don't forget God. Keep God's commands. Fear God, because he will destroy you if you don't. Do not test God. So ignorance and blind faith are a virtue. Go now Christians, I want to see it on your foreheads "Do not test God".

The last chapter today describes how Israel is God's chosen people and that God essentially hates everyone else. The bible explains that God selected the Israelites as his chosen people because of the oath he gave to their forefathers. But why did he give the oath to their forefathers? The question goes wonderfully unanswered.

This is interesting, God makes a few promises at the end of Deuteronomy 7. One is that if you hate him he will kill you, that's not the interesting one. These are the things God will do if you love him and follow all of his decrees: He will love you back (finally), he will increase your numbers (because we know all Christians have babies), you will be blessed more than any other people (because we know no Christians suffer), none of your women or men will be childless, and you will be completely free of disease. So I guess if you have ever had a disease, it's as a result of you not worshiping God properly, that's comforting.

Our all wonderful, all loving God also forbids us from showing pity to the people the Israelites are supposed to destroy for them. Is this the same guy that said "love your neighbor" and "love your enemy"? Not only is God a psychopath, he's a bipolar psychopath. Wonderful.

*Bible News*
In deciding whether a man should be put to death or not, the jurors may have consulted the bible. I wonder where there would be people crazy enough to consult the bible in a legal matter. Oh that's right... Texas. The Associated Press story is here.

Apparently the operative sentence in the bible was any man who beats someone with an iron object shall be put to death (the man in question beat the other person with a rifle). I happen to know where this passage is because I just read it (Numbers 35:16). The bible also says that gay people, adulterers, and people that work on the sabbath should be killed. So we can only conclude that if these idiots people were on the jury for one of those offenses they would ask for a death sentence too. Oh that's right, working on the sabbath isn't a crime, so maybe we shouldn't put people to death based on what it says in the bible. I think I'm going to pretend I didn't read this story so I can stay sane.


  1. I stumbled upon your blog by accident, and I must say that I am intrigued. Keep up the posts.

  2. Did the author of Job read Deuteronomy 7?

  3. The OT wasn't talking about Christians - it was about Jews.



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