Wednesday, November 18, 2009

74: Lolz, I iz Readin teh Bible

Joshua 16-18
Well unfortunately I've paged through this section and it's mostly dividing up land again. I'm not going to torture you with the painstaking descriptions of the land division. There are still a few little stories and I'm going to try to find good/interesting stuff for the news sections. Luckily we're going to be done with Joshua on Friday, so I might have something interesting bible wise this weekend. Alright, here goes nothing.

Chapter 16 is all about Joseph's inheritance, and the inheritance of his descendants. Fascinating read. Almost as good as the "A" section in the dictionary.

Joshua 17 is a little weird. It seems to go through a generation or two, yet Joshua is still alive (he was old to start with). These descendants are having problems with the Canaanites, so they ask Joshua about it. Joshua tells them to clear the land. I must be missing something here. Oh wait, the bible is strewn with random, pointless stories. I keep forgetting.

In chapter 18, seven of the Israelite tribes have not yet claimed their land. Joshua commands them to send people out to survey the land. They do and Joshua distributes the land. Oh. I thought that story was going to have a point. Alas, no.

Oh no, the bible is going to describe the land allotment for each of the seven tribes. Only the first tribe (Benjamin) is described before Joshua 19 ends. Which means I have the rest of them to look forward to tomorrow. I can't wait.

*News* (sort of)
You old people may be wondering why I misspelled my blog title. It's, of course, LOLCat language. LOLCats being generally cute pictures of cats with misspelled captions. Why am I talking about this? The bible has been translated into LOLCat language, which you can see here. The main punishment in this translation seems to be "ceiling cat" (God) taking away your cheezburgers and watching you masturbate. You may ask if there is any evidence that ceiling cat (blessed be his name) did, in fact, create the universe. Luckily, the moment of man's creation was captured:

Well, there is officially one more piece of evidence for a cat creating man than for God creating him. I'm tempted to switch translations (LOLCat is obviously the only righteous translation), but alas, I would have to start over from the beginning if I did that, and that's sure as hell not happening.


  1. Love the summaries, news, and links! Thanks!

  2. A LOLCats bible? That'll be even better than the Lego bible floating around online. I'll have to check it out.



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