Saturday, December 5, 2009

91: Jonathan and David Make Out

1 Samuel 18-20
David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together - 1 Samuel 20:41

Yes, that David

Well, apparently pressing ctrl-a highlights your entire blog post. And when you don't realize you've pressed ctrl-a and then press backspace, your entire blog post gets deleted. So this is my second draft of today's post (which took me two hours to write the first time).

David finishes talking to Saul and goes to Saul's son, Jonathan. David says, for the first of many times in this chapter, that he "loves [Jonathan] as himself". What does this mean? The bible doesn't say how David loves himself. It also says that Jonathan makes a covenant with David. What does that mean? What kind of covenant? Jonathan then takes off all of his clothes and gives them to David. What? Why would he do that?

David goes to war several times and is successful. So successful, in fact, that Saul becomes jealous of him. Saul is just going to keep an eye on David, but God sends an evil spirit to Saul and he tries to kill David with a spear. Why is God sending evil spirits to people? Moreover, why does God even have evil spirits under his command? David avoids his spear twice.

Just as a side note. Why is Saul still king? Wasn't David anointed king a few chapters ago? God's only action seems to be sending evil spirits nowadays. No more smiting people for not putting the right king in power.

Saul then becomes afraid of David. Saul is so afraid that he gives David command of an army. Wait, what? Why would you give an army to someone you're afraid of? These sections are making less and less sense as we go on.

Saul then tries to set David up with his daughters. David says no several times because he does not have the money for the bride price. Saul tells him that his bride price is 100 Philistine foreskins. The bible says that Saul is hoping David will die in attempting to cut off the Philistines' foreskins. David, apparently overeager to chop foreskins, goes out and kills 200 Philistines and collects their foreskins. I wonder what he's going to do with the extra 100 foreskins.

Saul tells all of his attendants and his son Jonathan to kill David. Jonathan begs his father not to kill David, and he agrees. Saul says "As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be put to death". This becomes amusing when Saul attempts to have David put to death (again). Does Saul think God exists?

An evil spirit from God comes to Saul again. And again he tries to spear David. This is the exact same story as the beginning of chapter 18. David escapes and goes to his house. That night Saul sends men to kill him but David's wife warns him of the attack (how does she know?).

David flees to Samuel in Ramah. This is where the story gets a little trippy. Saul sends men to Ramah to kill David. Instead of killing David they begin "prophesying". What does that mean? Saul sees that David was not killed and sends more men. They too prophesy. Saul, not learning his lesson, sends more men. Surprise, they prophesy too. Finally, Saul goes to Ramah himself to do his own dirty work. Saul falls victim to prophesying too (he also gets naked but that's beside the point). I'm a little confused as to what's happening here.

David runs to Jonathan and tells him that his father is trying to kill him. Jonathan doesn't believe him because his father promised that he would not try to kill David. They set up a plan to prove to Jonathan that his father wants to kill David.

David is supposed to have dinner with Saul for the "New Moon" festival (I guess the Israelites like the Twilight book series), where Saul is probably going to try to kill David again. Jonathan will go to that festival and say that he sent David away to Bethlehem. If Saul is mad, it will prove that he was going to kill David, if not, he wasn't going to. Of course, when the festival comes around Saul is mad at Jonathan.

Jonathan, now realizing that his father is crazy, sends a signal to David, who is hiding in a field. David comes out and bows to him three times. They then start crying and kissing each other. You may say "these are just greeting kisses". I don't think so. Here is the passage:
David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together
David bows to greet him. Then they kiss and weep. They don't kiss then weep. This implies that they spent an extended period of time weeping and kissing. I know this was a different time, but two men repeatedly professing love for one another, then spending an extended period of time alone kissing each other, implies at least some level of homosexuality.

Ok, hopefully I don't delete the post this time.

I spent awhile today trying to find some news relevant to the bible. I couldn't find anything so I settled for something interesting but unrelated.

Recently, a straight man (Ted Cox) went to a gay-to-straight conversion camp, posing as a gay man.

I don't have too much to say about this other than that this reaffirms how stupid it is to try to convert people to heterosexuality. What if homosexuality was the norm? Could all of you straight people be converted to homosexuality? If you answer no, then why do you think these people can be converted? If you answer yes, then it might be time to examine your sexuality.

The full story is here. It's an interesting read if you have the time.


  1. After you accidentally deleted your entire post, did you press Ctrl-Z just to see if you could undo it? Works for me, although I am on a Mac, so I don't know if it works the same way on a PC.

  2. Or if on linux you could've just pressed the middle mouse button... :P

  3. Ctrl-Z doesn't seem to work on Windows but I could have right clicked and there's an undo button. Oh well, I'll know for next time.



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