Tuesday, January 5, 2010

122: The Biblical Yawnfest Continues

1 Chronicles 6
The sons of Aaron:
Nadab, Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar.

Eleazar was the father of Phinehas,
Phinehas the father of Abishua,

Abishua the father of Bukki,
Bukki the father of Uzzi,

Uzzi the father of Zerahiah,

Zerahiah the father of Meraioth,

Meraioth the father of Amariah,
Amariah the father of Ahitub,

Ahitub the father of Zadok,

Zadok the father of Ahimaaz,

Ahimaaz the father of Azariah,

Azariah the father of Johanan,

Johanan the father of Azariah (it was he who served as priest in the temple Solomon built in Jerusalem),

Azariah the father of Amariah,

Amariah the father of Ahitub,

Ahitub the father of Zadok,

Zadok the father of Shallum,
Shallum the father of Hilkiah,

Hilkiah the father of Azariah,

Azariah the father of Seraiah,

and Seraiah the father of Jehozadak. - 1 Chronicles 6:3-14


Forget water boarding, make the people at Guantanamo bay read 1 Chronicles.

If I were doing the dividing for the biblical reading I would make this all one section, because nothing actually happens. Unfortunately I'm not doing the dividing so I'll just have to suffer through this boredom.

*News*
Ever wonder when the rapture is going to happen? Well, Harold Camping knows. The date? May 21, 2011.

Now, you may ask, is this prophecy biblical? Of course it is! This is his foolproof formula:
The number 5, Camping concluded, equals "atonement." Ten is "completeness." Seventeen means "heaven." Camping patiently explained how he reached his conclusion for May 21, 2011.

"Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.," he began. "Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that's 1,978 years."

Camping then multiplied 1,978 by 365.2422 days - the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.

Next, Camping noted that April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.

Camping realized that (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.

Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.
Why didn't I think of that?! It's so clear, and not stupid at all.

*end sarcasm*

Even if you buy this crackpot formula, who says atonement, completeness, and heaven multiplied together and squared equals rapture? Wouldn't it make more sense to add them together? Why square them at all? Oh that's right, because he has to make his ridiculous numbers fit.

To make matters worse, Camping has already made one prediction that the world was going to end (on Sept. 6, 1994). Which, of course, failed to come to pass.

If we consider that these numbers don't really make any sense, even if the numbers are right the operations don't make sense, and the fact that Camping has already made faulty predictions, we can rest assured that this crazy person has no followers. Right? Right?! Unfortunately, people are buying the bullshit:
Rick LaCasse, who attended the September 1994 service in Alameda, said that 15 years later, his faith in Camping has only strengthened.

"Evidently, he was wrong," LaCasse allowed, "but this time it is going to happen. There was some doubt last time, but we didn't have any proofs. This time we do."

Would his opinion of Camping change if May 21, 2011, ended without incident?

"I can't even think like that," LaCasse said. "Everything is too positive right now. There's too little time to think like that."
Wonderful.

Henry has made a fatal mistake in his predictions (which, in fairness, the article mentions), in that the bible says you can't make predictions:
No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. - Matthew 24:36-42
Now stop making predictions!

(via The San Francisco Chronicle)

4 comments:

  1. On predictions...I agree with you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. How do you keep yourself motivated? I can't force myself to read more than a couple pages at any one time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Dominic
    Some days are easier than others. I really like finding the logical fallacy/incongruency in things, I guess that's what keeps me going.

    These sections are actually pretty easy (to review, not to read).

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Rick LaCasse, who attended the September 1994 service in Alameda, said that 15 years later, his faith in Camping has only strengthened."

    I guess this explains why some people don't get the scientific method...

    ReplyDelete

 

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