Wednesday, January 20, 2010

137: Feed the Bible to the Starving

2 Chronicles 25-27
The other events in Jotham's reign, including all his wars and the other things he did, are written in the book of the kings of Israel and Judah. - 2 Chronicles 27:7

T minus three days left of Chronicles. Kings talked about today (of course already talked about in Kings): Amaziah, Uzziah, and Jotham. Again, unexciting to start with, extra unexciting when it's repeated. Sorry I don't have anything biblically interesting today. Blame the bible.

We've all heard about the earthquake in Haiti (I hope). Christians always seem to find the worst solution to a problem.

Lets lay out the problem. We have a country that has just suffered a huge disaster. People are starving, thirsty, they don't have shelter, there are thousands of injured, people can't find their loved ones, and people are dying because they can't get medical attention.

What could these people need? Food, water, shelter, medical supplies, people to help search for survivors, or doctors? No! Audio bibles! I obviously haven't quite pinned down what the Haitians really need, I'll let Jon Wilke explain:
Now they've lost everything. They are asking the big questions in life -- 'Why am I here?' Some are saying 'I'm so blessed to be alive' and they have a lot of questions, so the Bible helps answer those questions.
Right, I'm sure they're all sitting around pondering life's mysteries and not worried about starving to death.

I wonder what they're going to be thinking when the truck that is supposed to be carrying food and medical supplies is instead transporting audio bibles. I certainly hope the US government isn't letting them send these bibles yet, when the Haitians can't even get the medical supplies they need. At least the audio bibles look moderately flammable, maybe they can be burned for warmth (not that warmth is needed in Haiti).

(via KOAT 7)


  1. Just in case your ire is dying down, WND has a refreshingly horrible article about how the death toll in Haiti is the result of "self-inflicted poverty".

    ... does the bible say anything yet about stoning people for being douche bags?

  2. I heard about these audio bibles and I honestly hoped it was a satirical news piece.

    My question is... why do they need bibles to answer their questions? If the Haitians have questions that God can answer, why doesn't he just answer directly? I mean... it is a disaster, so he could stop his little vanishing act for 10 minutes to answer some Haitian questions. Or even better, just give them some fresh water. He could even make that look like it happened naturally, if he wants to stay hidden.

    The only infinite aspect of God I'm seeing right now is his infinite contradictions.

  3. @James
    How dare the Haitians not have money. Don't they know it grows on trees?

    We can't stone them for being douchebags, but we can stone them for sinning. And everybody sins. So we can stone anyone at any time, and still be moral people (sans Jesus of course). Commence stoning! (disclaimer: the police might not understand the bible's version of morality)

  4. @Adrian
    That would violate free will, if they knew God existed they wouldn't need faith (/fundie answer).

  5. Yes, of course. And of course, a violent earthquake wasn't a violation of anyone's free will. Schopenhauer would have some harsh words for that God character...



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