Thursday, January 28, 2010

145: What's Worse Than Eating Jesus? Smoking Him

Nehemiah 4-6
From that day on, half of my men did the work, while the other half were equipped with spears, shields, bows and armor. The officers posted themselves behind all the people of Judah who were building the wall. Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other - Nehemiah 4:16-17

Nehemiah starts rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem (is this the same rebuilding of the wall that happened in Ezra?). All the countries around him oppose the rebuilding and threaten to kill the Jews working on the wall (the bible is calling them Jews for the first time). In response to this, Nehemiah orders half of the people working on the wall to stop working and act as guards. Did the terrorists just win?

Some time later the people are being taxed heavily by the king and being charged too much interest on loans by noblemen and officials. Nehemiah goes to the noblemen and officials and tells them to stop exacting usury (too much interest). The officials and noblemen immediately agree that they are being naughty and tell Nehemiah they will stop charging usury.

Sure they did. This is one of those first person accounts that seems a bit iffy. All Nehemiah had to do was tell them to stop and they immediately listened to him? Maybe he's being a little self serving in his recounting of this story?

The enemies of Israel again try to stop the Jews from rebuilding the wall. They tell Nehemiah that people are plotting to kill him and he should lock himself in the temple and never come out (presumably so they can take advantage of the leaderless Israelites and stop the building). Nehemiah doesn't buy it, and the building continues.

At the end of the section the Israelites finish the rebuilding of the wall. This causes all of the enemies of Israel to lose their self confidence. Don't they know there's a pill for that?

*News*
Sorry atheists, but I may have found a religion that I can get behind. The Hawaii Cannabis Ministry. I shit you not, there is a pot smoking religion in Hawaii.

I heard about this story because a man was recently arrested for possession of marijuana and he's using the "it's my religion" defense. No news on how that worked out yet (link at the bottom if you want to follow the story). I'm thinking not so well.

Now, back to my new religion (I actually haven't tried pot, I'd rather not be fired for failing a drug test). The Hawaiian Cannabis Ministry believes that pot, not that silly bread or wine, is the sacrament. So, instead of eating Jesus, they smoke him? Seems reasonable. I'll take the rest of their description straight off their wiki page, it's priceless:
THC Ministry believes that "cultivation and enjoyment of cannabis sacrament is a fundamental human right provided by God and protected by the Constitution." It states cannabis is the original sacrament of Hebrew, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Shinto, Buddhist, Rasta and more, and fulfills the prophesies to 'feed all our hungers'. It believes cannabis to be one of the main ingredients in the original Anointing Oil, as described in the Bible. Some members also believe it is the substance used in the Burnt Offerings at the altar and special occasions through out the bible numerous times.
How does cannabis feed your hunger? Doesn't it make you hungry? I think the only thing weirder than believing that would be believing that a virgin gave birth to someone that would eventually become a zombie and save everyone from their sins. Now believing that would be crazy. Oh wait...

(via The Denver Post, Wikipedia)

7 comments:

  1. I love that the initials of that "ministry" is "THC" - the active ingredient in the substance their ministry is based on. It's a sign, surely.

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  2. That's pretty awesome. I definitely missed that one.

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  3. I think atheists are generally dipshits that never got over high school, but this blog is pretty interesting.

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  4. That would explain the marked correlation between higher education and lack of religious beliefs..
    oh wait

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  5. "I think atheists are generally dipshits that never got over high school,..."

    Well I think thiests are 'dipshits' who never got over fairy tales at Kindergarden.

    -Timmi

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  6. littlemissblasphemyApril 17, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    Doesn't sound like a bad religion. Where do I sign up?

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