Friday, February 5, 2010

153: Job Prays for Death

Job 5-7
As a cloud vanishes and is gone, so he who goes down to the grave does not return. - Job 7:9

Today's section is pretty unexciting compared to yesterday's.

Job's friends try to comfort him (and fail). They try to tell Job that "blessed is the man whom God corrects". Right, I just killed your kids, but I'm really blessing you!

Job responds by saying he has shitty friends and that he really, really wants God to let him die. But, of course, God needs Job to live so he can prove his point to Satan. Awesome.

Job has turned into a big poem, so there's a lot of metaphor/flowery word filler.

My Bible On: Prayer

Prayer (prar) n. the act of talking with God in word or thought.


Alternate definition
talking to the ceiling and wondering if anybody's listening [Wait, my bible is telling me that prayer is really just talking to the ceiling? Awesome.]

Is God listening when I pray? [I don't know, is he?] Does he get mad if I ask for something I don't need? [Not as mad as when you don't pray at all] If I believe hard enough, does God have to give me what I ask for? [Seems reasonable] Isn't there some promise in the Bible that says if I ask in Jesus' name, I'll get what I ask for? [Somehow I don't think so] What do I have to do to get my prayers answered? [Why does my bible never answer any of these questions?]

"This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father...'" - Matthew 6:9 [Short prayer.]

Prayer is remembering that God is your Father. [My dad will appreciate that.] He likes it when you stop to talk with him. [But prayer is just talking to the ceiling, by your definition.] He wants to hear how you feel and what you're thinking. And he's never upset when you talk to him about something you want. [Whoa, my bible actually answered a question for once.]

Does God listen? Why not start a prayer journal? [Does this blog count as a prayer journal?] Jot down the things you talk to God about. Take a note when a prayer is answered. [Make sure to only write down when a prayer is answered so you can increase your confirmation bias.] After a few months look back and find out for yourself that God does answer prayer. [Only find out if he does answer prayer, don't find out if he doesn't.]

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God... will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

There's no guarantee God will say yes when you pray. If he says no, it won't be because you didn't have enough faith. [I assume God will come in person and let you know whether your prayer is going to be answered or not. If not, then God probably wasn't involved.] It will be because what you asked for wasn't the best for you and others. [Define "best". I know a lot of people that pray for a lot of things that seem pretty damn good. Or at least not bad. "Don't let my [insert relative] die" for example.] Like a good and wise father, God only gives what's best for you.

I think I've done this before, but I'm going to let Jon Stewart take the news segment. If you haven't seen him be interviewed by Bill O'Reilly, stay and watch!

Part 1/3:

Part 2/3:

Part 3/3:
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