Friday, February 12, 2010

160: Job Was Drenched in God's Cream

Job 29-31
Oh, for the days when I was in my prime,
when God's intimate friendship blessed my house,
when the Almighty was still with me
and my children were around me,
when my path was drenched with cream - Job 29:4-6

We're now in a section where it's only Job speaking. Unfortunately, Job hasn't found anything original or interesting to say. In the name of keeping this interesting, I've decided to devote this day to making fun of the bible's wording. Yes, I know this is immature of me. No, I don't care. Today's section seems to be filled with sexual innuendo (some intentional, some not).

The first one is our quote of the day, which I'll repeat for consistency:
Oh, for the days when I was in my prime,
when God's intimate friendship blessed my house,
when the Almighty was still with me
and my children were around me,
when my path was drenched with cream
God drenched your path with his cream eh?

Next, Job makes a covenant:
I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look lustfully at a girl.
If my heart has been enticed by a woman,
or if I have lurked at my neighbor's door,
then may my wife grind another man's grain,
and may other men sleep with her.
Grind another man's grain? Is that what they called it back then?

I don't really understand this next one:
I have not allowed my mouth to sin
by invoking a curse against his life-
if the men of my household have never said,
'Who has not had his fill of Job's meat?'-
but no stranger had to spend the night in the street,
for my door was always open to the traveler-
It just seems wildly thrown into the text. First Job's talking about his mouth sinning, then he's talking about filling people with his meat. This actually makes more sense if I make it dirty.

This has been me trying to be interesting in a completely stupid/pointless section of the bible.

I really hope this is the last time I talk about Tim Tebow, because I've already had two news stories about him. We'll just have to hope he doesn't go pro.

The NCAA has banned messages in eye black. That means no more college football bible verses.

Fortunately, the NFL already has a rule that you can't have messages in your eye black. I'm not sure how anyone got the idea that you should write something on your face during a football game.

I apparently don't have anything fascinating to say today, so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. See you tomorrow :D.

(via The Orlando Sentinel)


  1. I don't think pointing out sexual innuendo is immature - just call it psychoanalytic and it becomes professional.

  2. I hope It's the last time too, because I'm sick of hearing about him.

    On another note, I started reading this from the beginning when I heard about the Non-Theists Bible Study, and I'm finally all caught up. Yay!

    It's amazing all the things that they don't tell people about the Bible. I went to a Christian school until 4th grade, and I never heard about David carrying Goliath's head around, or about Noah being a drunk.

    By the way, thanks for doing all this. I've been meaning to read the bible for a while, but never got around to it (aka I didn't want to be bored out of my mind.) This is a very amusing alternative. I also feel like I now have valid examples of why the Bible doesn't make sense.

  3. " a completely stupid/pointless section of the bible "

    I might be led to agree with only one of those evaluations.

    I would not agree that the two words must be related or are in any way dependent on each other.

    An ancient text gets as much attention as the bible, and you are going to hand-wave it away because of boredom, or because it doesn't specifically relate to your mood or background? (I will concede that this is boredom for the umpteenth time from the book...)

  4. just as an aside to the Tebow thing (talk about getting too much attention...) here's a TED video that might help to explain the complete and total absorption some people feel in their religions.

    Our brains play funny tricks sometimes.

  5. Hilarious stuff. I wonder how much of that is simply the fault of the translators, though... probably most of it, although my Hebrew isn't good enough to actually go and check.



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