Saturday, March 13, 2010

189: Bible, Banned

Psalm 119:89-176
I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands. - Psalm 119:131

Lamedh: God is perfect in every way. If this person hadn't heard the word of God he would have died. He also mentions that his enemies are about to kill him, so I guess the whole trusting God thing isn't going to work out so well after all.

Mem: This guy is smarter than all of his teachers because he knows the word of God. I'm glad you didn't get a big head or anything.

Nun: This man prays that God will accept his prayers, and that God will teach him his law. I certainly hope the same person didn't write all of Psalm 119, because that would be a very confused person.

Samekh: The writer hates double-minded men. Double-minded being defined as "undecided" or "vacillating". Yes, indecisiveness is definitely worthy of hate. If you don't know something you should just decide that one way is right and the other way is wrong, and stick with it forever no matter what. Now I know where Christians get this hatred of indecisiveness from.

Ayin: This person has done what is righteous and just, therefore deserves to be saved from his enemies. He demands that God ensures his well being, and tells God not to let the arrogant people oppress him. But wait a minute. Aren't you being a little arrogant yourself by saying that you're better than everyone else for doing everything that you thought was righteous and just?

Pe: Yet another Hebrew letter section starts out by saying that God's statutes are wonderful. The writer of this section wants God's statutes so much that he opens his mouth and pants, longing for God's commands. That's a little weird buddy.

Tsadhe: Surprise, surprise, another person thinks all of God's laws are great. I think he gets it guys. Distress and trouble have fallen on this servant of God, but he still keeps all of God's commands. How's that working out for you?

Qoph: This person pleads to God to answer him when he prays. Don't you know you're supposed to have faith? If God immediately answered you, you would actually know he existed, therefore you wouldn't have faith... Or something stupid like that.

Resh: We have another person that is praying to God to deliver him from his suffering. Somehow I doubt we're ever going to find out if God actually helps these people.

Sin and Shin: This guy praises God seven times a day. Well good for you. He too is still waiting for salvation.

Taw: The last one! The writer of this one has strayed like a lost sheep from God. He prays that God will bring him back around.


Arizona has permanently banned the bible... Or at least that's what the title of these articles would lead me to believe.

The small town of Gilbert, Arizona has decided to enforce it's zoning laws with respect to religious gatherings. Their zoning laws prohibit religious gatherings of any kind in residential areas. This, of course, doesn't mean they can't study their bible in their church, or study their bible by themselves.

This all came about when a police officer noticed a sign advertising church meetings in a pastor's home. Moral of the story: don't advertise when you're going to break zoning laws. Hold your meetings in private, the police aren't going to knock down your door and make sure you're not holding bible studies.

But that would be too easy. These people need to get their names in the paper and make their outrage heard. Oh, and of course, let everyone know how Christians are so terribly oppressed.

(via WorldNetDaily)
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