Friday, April 9, 2010

216: Bible Says: Beat Your Breasts (?!)

Isaiah 31-35
"Tremble, you complacent women; shudder, you daughters who feel secure! Strip off your clothes, put sackcloth around your waists. Beat your breasts for the pleasant fields, for the fruitful vines." - Isaiah 32:11-12

[As you may have noticed, the commenting looks a little different. I've switched my commenting from the default blogger system to a shiny new system called Disqus. This is in response to our resident spammer(s).

One of my big concerns with switching was making sure you could still comment anonymously. And you can! Just type "Anonymous" for your name, and an email address (this can be anonymous@anonymous.com for all I care). There will be a pop-up that says "do you want to sign up" just click "comment as a guest" in the lower left-hand corner (I wish I could make that pop-up go away, but I can't). I find that people are afraid to honestly criticize if they aren't allowed to post anonymously.

The slight difficulty with anonymous commenting is probably the only complaint I have with Disqus. You can now directly respond to people by clicking "reply", and you can "like" individual comments. If you have a website/blog, you can also put that in the optional "website" field, and Disqus will automatically link to you. I'm also led to believe that you can post pictures and video by putting HTML in your comment. And best of all, no more lengthy spam in the comment section! Let me know what you think (this is also an excuse to test out the new system :D).

A few people have commented already, and everything seems to be remaining in sync and operational. Happy commenting!]

Isaiah starts, as he did yesterday, with condemning anyone that relies on Egypt for supplies instead of looking to God. I didn't even realize God was a supplier of goods and services. Apparently he's not only a supplier, but has a monopoly on the market.

Next, Isaiah tells the Israelites to come back to God. If they do this, God will destroy the Assyrians. Because making the Israelites and the Assyrians live together in peace would be way too hard. One of them has to be destroyed.

Chapter 32 is pretty interesting. It has a message just for the women of Jerusalem. Isaiah first calls the women complacent. Then he tells them that within a year the harvests will fail and there will be no fruit. The only solution to this problem is for the women to get naked, and beat their breasts to mourn the loss of the fields. Sure Isaiah, they have to get naked to mourn. I see how you play the game. This reminds me of a clip from "The Invention of Lying" (great movie by the way):

[Fast forward to 1:40]


Of course, in this case Isaiah isn't even claiming that getting naked and beating themselves is going to save them from losing their fields. Actually, I'm not sure what they're going to accomplish, other than giving Isaiah some eye candy.

Moving into chapter 33, the bible doesn't get any less strange in it's message:
Woe to you, O destroyer,
you who have not been destroyed!
Woe to you, O traitor,
you who have not been betrayed!
When you stop destroying,
you will be destroyed;
when you stop betraying,
you will be betrayed.
Moral of the story: keep destroying things and betraying people, otherwise you will be destroyed and betrayed. I have to be missing something here, I'm just not sure where or how. Or maybe the bible is just contradictory and makes no sense, but we know that can't be true.

The rest of the chapter is just about how God is going to destroy everything. For the sake of brevity, I'll spare you the details.

Isaiah, who seems to love describing God's wrath, continues on into chapter 34 talking about God killing us. Most of the chapter is God hacking people to bits with his sword. Isaiah says that the mountains will be drenched in blood and the bodies of all the nations will send up a stench. More beautiful words from the bible.

Like any good day, the bible tells us that all we have to do is accept God and he won't come chop us up into bits. Why can't God show himself before he's on earth killing people? Maybe next time God can just come down and threaten us with his giant sword. I don't know about any of you, but if confronted with God and his sword, I would be ok with following a few of his commandments.

*News*
Al Barette is the newest member of the Alaska Board of Game. He's showing his unbiased nature by skinning wolves and using the bible in arguments for hunting. To see the full video of him talking about the bible as he skins a wolf click here. The video is definitely graphic so I would suggest you not watch it if you're squeamish at all.

This man is in a position to increase the quota on hunting wolves and other animals. These quotas are supposed to be increased/decreased based on solid scientific data about population level and population growth. Instead, Barette is surely basing his decision on his "God given" right to hunt whatever the hell he wants, and on his own pocketbook. He owns a fur tanning company. How can this person, who has an obvious monetary investment in the business, make an unbiased decision about how much people can hunt?

Alaska, if you keep producing people like Al Barette and Sarah Palin, you are dead to me.

(via The Huffington Post)

4 comments:

  1. I like the new layout. You might want to use a slicker font for your posts though - Times New Roman is sooo Windows 95.

    And for on-topic comments, God just loves killing people. I'm sure you've seen http://i.imgur.com/krS5p.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  2. At least I can be guaranteed people can read it. Even though it is pretty Windows 95 of me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I find that citizens are afraid to truthfully criticize if they aren't allowed to post secretly,

    ReplyDelete

 

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