Wednesday, May 26, 2010

263: Same Shit, Different Day & Hosea: In Review

Hosea 8-14
"Do not rejoice, O Israel; do not be jubilant like the other nations. For you have been unfaithful to your God; you love the wages of a prostitute at every threshing floor." - Hosea 9:1

All seven chapters today are just a continuation of the last chapters from yesterday. In other words, it's just God repeating how the Israelites are bad and how he's going to continually punish/forgive them.

Chapter 8 is about how bad the Israelites have been, and how their idols will be broken to pieces.
Chapter 9 is all about how Israel is going to be punished for all the bad things she's done. This includes: miscarrying babies, being infertile, having no breast milk, having God no longer love the Israelites (so much for all loving), and killing their children if they somehow give birth to them. Chapter 10 is a continuation of the punishments in chapter 9. This time God doesn't even give us specifics, he just says that he is going to utterly destroy Israel. The chapter still manages to go on for a page and a half.

In chapter 11, God remembers that he's supposed to be all loving.
How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you like Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboiim?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused.

I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man—
the Holy One among you.
I will not come in wrath.
I thought God wasn't supposed to have a change of heart. All the Christians I talk to seem to reject the idea that God can "change his mind". Well, sorry, it's right here, "My heart is changed within me". More importantly, what does this mean? Is God going to destroy Israel or not (*spoiler alert* he does in the next two chapters)?

The next couple of chapters are a slow progression into God forgetting that he just said he wasn't going to destroy Israel. Chapter 12 is pretty mild, God starts out listing all the sins that he hates about Israel. He should really stop talking, he's going to get himself worked up. He says near the end of chapter 12 that he's going to make the Israelites live in tents again. Well that's not so bad.

By the time we get to chapter 13, God's completely forgotten his compassion. God says he's going to come upon Israel like a lion and rip them open. God says Israel is destroyed because they are against him. In fact, he goes so far as to say this:
I will have no compassion,
even though he thrives among his brothers.
An east wind from the LORD will come,
blowing in from the desert;
his spring will fail
and his well dry up.
His storehouse will be plundered
of all its treasures.
No compassion? But you were just boasting about how you had a welling up of compassion. I thought God was bipolar, but even if you're bipolar you don't switch that fast. Maybe ADHD? God ends the chapter by saying that the Israelites will have their babies dashed on the rocks and their pregnant women will be ripped open.

Chapter 14 says that if only the Israelites would return to God he wouldn't have to punish him. I hate to break it to you, God, but only being nice when you get your way isn't "compassion". Also, you can't be considered compassionate if you're only nice part of the time. Welcome to the real world, I know you're used to being in imagination land.

Hosea: In Review
Aside from a few of the first chapters, this book was slow torture to read. It wouldn't have been so bad if this was the first time I'd heard all of these things. But I've heard how Israel was going to be punished and restored at least ten times now. Some of these books really didn't need to be included in the bible. I'm not sure what they're supposed to add, considering there isn't a single new idea to be found in their pages.

I guess God doesn't think we'll take him seriously unless he repeats what he says at least 20 times.

What happens when a local Fox News affiliate meets the Fox News Channel mother ship? Nothing good.

First of all, if you have a strange name, I don't think that means you're going to get beat up every chance bullies get. Second, I love how he forgets what's in his own book. Finally, DVD's with extra features mean that we should all kill ourselves? You're conservative, that means you're against euthanasia, remember?

I definitely approve of the book being called "The Bible of Unspeakable Truths". Like the bible, it seems to be full of nonsense that nobody should ever read.


  1. Did I miss a video or something?

  2. "I'm not sure what they're supposed to add, considering there isn't a single new idea to be found in their pages."

    What about the sacred raisin cakes? Wasn't it worth inclduing this book just for them?



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